Neri and Being Gay with spiritual belief

My grandmother passed away on February 27th, 2011 at 11:30am... I had not seen her since the age of 5. I left my country (Nicaragua) after the president was assasinated and the sandinistas took over the government, everyone's property, and began to forcefully recruit young men/boys as early as the age of 7 for the military. My mom, dad, my brother Edward and I fled to the U.S. to avoid being caught in the turmoils of the country. I don't have many memories about Nicaragua and my family there, but the few that I do have I've made myself hold on to them and remind me of the happy times. When I heard my grandmother passed away those memories flooded my head. When I was 4 years old my grandmother Neri and I use to take long walks in Esteli. The houses were old and varied in pastel colors, the roads were unpaved, and the stray dogs were friendly. Neri lived with my grandfather and my aunts and uncles in this house where the floors would be cold at night because they were concrete, but I use to love laying and falling asleep on that floor during the hot days, because they were cool. The kitchen in the house had a huge clay oven on one end, a small rustic sink on the other end, and there was no floor but only dirt. I remember that when I would get upset, got hurt, or was just in the dumps my Neri would run to the corner and get me a snow cone. She would come back with the snow cone melting because it was so hot, but I still loved it because she got it for me. Non of my other brothers really knew her or shared those young memories like I did, and I miss her for that. I missed my time to see her once more in this life time. I think of her everyday now, more than ever. I think of how she is in a better place and hopefully looking down at me. This pass week I performed and decided to dedicate all my performances to my Neri. You see I was raised catholic and my family was raised strict Roman catholic. I don't go to church on a regular basis because I do not believe that I have to step into a church and pay my dues for god to know that I believe in him. Since I was 5 years old I always liked boys and now men. No one corrupted me, no one made me gay. So I truly believe that god made me this way, and he loves me for who I am. I still pray every night, and yes I still believe in my guardian angel, but I also believe that I can be in a center place within myself and my spirituality and be true to myself as a happy married gay man! And just to make things clear I believe in the power of ones self spirituality and not the religions that man has created through time. I believe in the good of people, I believe that my grandmother loves me for who I am, and that no one should pass judgment on others. I believe in true love and the power of self and inner strength. People should not drown in trying to hide who they are, but should be happy by being themselves and if those around you do not accept you for who you are, then those people do not have unconditional love for you and are selfish. It is more exhausting pretending to be someone your not, and trying to make those around you happy. It is less exhausting and even more liberating to be yourself and being surrounded by those who will protect you, love you, and accept you for who you truly are as unique human individual!