They say Diversity, but do they really want it?

It has been a while since blogging and it has been a seriously busy semester. Part of the great things about being a student is how hard you work and seeing those accomplishments at the end of the semester. So what happens when you know you have done well at something and you are told you just did not do well enough to be part of something great? Think about it, you invest a lot of time all semester, put forth a lot of effort, and qualities such as people skills that are not taught! This University keeps talking about how much more diversity they want, but instead of seeing the whole picture of how a diverse individual can make a difference to bring to the students, they look at one final score that determines if you are in or you are out. Knowledge is power and you can teach students all the materials and information you want, but when it comes to that one on one session with another unique human being, it is important to have that touch of humanity. If a student just wanted information there is plenty of technology now in days where they can just get it through the internet. Students come in to see another human being because they want that human touch and they want that face to face interaction. I still walk into the same place and see little diversity and I still walk in the same place and see that the majority of the people are white. Sure you have your hispanic, your African American, and your one white gay person. That is 1, 2, 3...so I guess they are good. But where does the majority stand? If you really say you want Diversity do not just say, do something about it and find ways to go further! Or maybe they just do not mean it enough? What do you think?

Omar's Hate Crime; Never Give Up!

A couple of years ago I was standing in Speech class about to give a speech about awareness on Hate Crime. My attention getter was the words that were engraved in my memories from one of the four men that had attacked me 6 years ago for being a homosexual. His words were, "Where is your girlfriend, oh wait you don't have one cause your a wet-back fagot that is infesting our world!" followed by a punch to my face with his friends joining in... They did not even know my name. As I stood there in front of 30 students and about to say those words...I choked, I began to feel the memory resurface. In that instant I realized I had buried it and never really talk about it with anyone. I had buried it so deep, that it was like if it never happened... I had to take a minute and was able to finish the speech, but the whole time I could hear my heart and I was barely in control, but I made it through the speech. I then realized that I needed to talk about it, I needed to deal with it because I never had closure with that night. A year after the speech I decided to do a dance solo to help me have some closure, to help me express it through my passion for art, and to do it to expose myself and share with others my experience. The solo was another hard step because not only did I perform it at Idaho State University it was selected to be performed at the American College Dance Festival in March of 2010. It became harder to expose the solo in front 450 students from the Northwest region and their faculty that I had created for myself. I did not take in mind the idea of performing it to so many strangers, when I was still sort of dealing with it. At that point I felt I needed to do the solo to deal with it, and to share it with others who might need it. It was my challenge.

But maybe first I should talk about that day. I feel that now is the right time to share this with others.

At the time I was living in Houston, TX and worked three jobs. On a Friday evening I had been invited to a small party at the Marriott that was located in the prestigious area know as the Medical Center. We showed up to the hotel and went up to the 24th floor. When we entered the suite I noticed it was mostly men with and only a few women. I did not get a good feeling in me at all, so I went up to the friends I had shown up with and told them I wasn't really feeling the party. They wanted to stay and mingle for a while, so I decided to step out of the suite and went downstairs to wait in the lobby. After about 45 minutes I decided I was going to just tell them I was leaving, and found no need for me to stay. When I got to the 24th floor the elevator doors opened and in front of me stood four very drunk Hispanic males. They began to question me if I had a girlfriend and if so, where was she. Before I could answer they began to call me fagot, wet back, queer, and so on followed by a punch to my face from one of the guys. I began to fight back out of the elevator and for my life, I punched back, and shoved and ran around the 24th floor knocking on doors and calling out for help, while fighting the four guys off me. I finally noticed that one of the guys began to feel bad and question what his friends were doing. He did not say anything but his face got pale when he saw how much damage his friends were doing. This guy managed to prop one of the fire escape doors open and just told me to run. I ran non-stop 24 flights of stairs till I got to the lobby. Once I got to the lobby I ran to the help desk to seek help, only to find that the elder man in charge wasn't really trying to assist me or call the cops for me. I then decided to run out to the parking garage to get my car and go to the cops. As I was stepping out to the garage the four men were running to their car and peeled out of the parking garage. A few seconds later security from the hotel across ran over to see what was going on. Finally, the security people from across the street were nice enough to assist me and call the cops for me. That night I sat and filled out a police report saying that I was a victim of Hate Crime. That evening I drove home with a busted lip, a black eye, my face swollen, and a few bruises on my torso, but I had survived. Emotionally, I was not O.K. As I drove home, I shook like never before, as if a lot of me had been ripped out of me. The next morning I had to be at work. I decided to get their early enough so no one would see me except for management. I brought in my police report and asked for some time off to heal. After that I could not leave my house for almost two weeks. I was angry at the world, I was scared to go anywhere, and I did not trust anyone.

Anyways, after that I went back to work, but I was not social for a very long time, and I began to find ways of coping with it on my own. I had no family support at the time because my family did not accept me being an open gay Hispanic male, so it was me who had to pick me up and put me back together. I never heard back from the police on my case either. I also found out three years later too late that I could have sued the Marriott for their lack of assistance. I feel lucky now that I am here in 2010 typing about my horrible experience, and hope that others will stand up for what they believe, and do not let others bully you. And if I can survive such experience, just think life is not over, so don't let anything or anyone bring you down to the level of taking your life. Now there is so much support, that wasn't available back when I was a victim of a hate crime, so please seek help because there are many people that are standing up and fighting against bullying and hate crimes! Fight for your rights and fight for your right to live!

The Cinematic Orchestra - to build a home

A Good Rainy Day to Wash it All Away!

Good morning to all and Happy Friday! Well it appears fall is here and just in time for a good rain to wash away the old dirt and bring in a whole lot of new things for the new season. Halloween is around the corner, but already we are seeing Thanksgiving and Christmas in the stores and what a good time to lift spirits with the economy and so much hate. The Holidays remind us of how as little kids we got excited about the cookies, the hot chocolate, the gatherings, and of course who could forget the gifts! With fall spreading all over us maybe it is important that we spread a little more happiness and togetherness. I don't mean to sound cheesy, but I think it is time to let go of all the strong egos, the drama, the bull headed pride, and the pity arguments and strive for a healthier outlook at life with less drama and stress. It's time that we say enough is enough and go back to enjoying our life and choices we make, because after all we do have control of how we choose to live our lives. So why not make bold decision by making the right decisions to change your negatives into positive, learn to say yes to something that makes you happy, and learn to say no to those things that are not mentally, physically, and emotionally unhealthy for you. Learn to take the high road. In the end we really don't gain much from holding strong to bullshit that is not worth stressing over. If you need to take a personal day and do what you love to do... do it. You have the right to do this for your well being and for the well being of those who surround you and love you. You don't need to have 500 friends to be rich, you only need to have a few close friends, and the true friends usually you will only be able to count with two hands. Richness comes with knowledge and learning, and making healthy choices for yourself. So people should just make a change and shift the winds in their lives to strive for a more empowering and positive outlook. Don't wait till the New Years to roll around! Just like the rain, let it wash away and shed your old skin so you can try a whole new one, by changing old habits with more positive habits and new adventures whether you are single or in a relationship. If you have that special someone with you, take the time to spend time with them, or try new things in celebration of your relationship. A new adventure is always exciting with your loved one! So let Fall sweep you and take you in a new positive direction and let your friends know how much you appreciate them being in your life, and finally just turn around and walk away from the drama!

The Dearest of Friends

Today has been a long day. Vic and I have been working all day. We both woke up a bit sick, more me than Vic. All I wanted to do was just be at home and lay under the covers. I wanted to make the world go away, but sometimes you just have to get up and do what you need to do for the day, and face the world. But then something really absolutely fabulous happened! We had posted on our facebook that we were feeling a bit under the weather and got a lot of "get well" wishes, which was nice and pleasant, but then our wonderful and dear friend Pamela Perna did a wonderful gesture. Pamela Perna decided to make homemade chicken soup and even added a nice touch of carrots straight from her garden. After she finished making the soup she packed it along with a few small, soft loafs of bread and decided that she was going to make a trip. Pamela Perna came by our job and out of the kindness of her wonderful heart decided to share her delicious chicken soup with us! The wonderful thing was that this is all it took to make our day better. We still felt sick, but the fact that she went out of her daily routine to make a stop to make us feel better lifted our spirits and it was then I knew it was all worth it when you have people like Pamela in your life. It is worth it because one day someone will step in front of us and will need a nice, kind gesture. Thank you Pamela for being so nurturing and having such a wonderful heart, and thank you for brightening our day.

Thoughts

So Omar is rehearsing for Bridgets show here at OTAS and its coming along very well! I am so hungry!! But i cant eat without him! Life is good right now! Its wonderful. Tomorrow we finish our photoshoot with Deanna so i am excited! School is lame right now! Dont wanna be in school, i just wanna lay in bed with Omar all night and day!! Oh and play video games!

Happy Monday!

When you wake up today take a moment to just breath and think about how it is good to be alive. Vic and I woke up this morning and all I wanted to do is crawl back into bed. Not because I was wanting to just stay home, but because I really wanted to stay with Vic and enjoy just being at home. Happy Mondays are not only about going out an tackling your goals for the day. Happy Monday can be about just doing anything you want to mentally keep you healthy.

Doggy Heaven for Maggie

Do you ever stop to think what your pets teach you? Do you ever wonder what they say or think when they see you and patiently wait for you at home? Recently a very wonderful and loved dog has passed away. Maggie...She was loved, she lived a good life and she died in piece at 17 years of age. But have you ever stop to think or appreciate how a pet comforts you when the world just does not seem to agree with you? That kitty or puppy that sits all day at home waiting for you. The most exciting day is for you to just come through the door and love them. They do not judge, they do not hate, they do not take sides...they just unconditionally love you for loving them. Sometimes life would be so easy if we just were like our pets, which are also family. So next time you come home and you have had a bad day or just need love, don't forget that your cat or dog has been waiting all day to just see you and be with you.

Thanks Maggie for 17 years of being an amazing dog and great memories.

After The O&V Summer Wedding 2010

The Summer of 2010 was full of surprises in many good ways. Vic and I had our Wedding Ceremony, and we were surrounded by amazing people that we consider friends. The best part is how everyone was so respectful and supporting of our union, not to mention those friends and family who came out of town to support this great day! Of course just like any wedding there were things here and there that needed to be fixed or fell apart, but hey what wedding goes without a few miss happens. What was truly important was remembering that Vic and I were ready to just be with each other for the rest of our lives. Ready to be happy with each other, ready to get mad, and make-up(make out) after our disagreements, ready to build a home together and ready to take over the world together! Never was there a doubt in our minds that we wanted each other, but what there was is miss communication, and sometimes being in a relationship we have remember that communication even when you do not agree is important. Many people in the world sit there and work extremely hard to analyze relationships by writing a book or seeing a therapist. Yeah, this is all good, but these are just tools and in the end it is the two people in a relationship that need to utilize these tools and apply them to their personal relationship to make them work. Everyone is unique and everyone can be the same, or even follow the same pattern in relationships. This is because we are creatures of habits. Some of us have to awaken to realize that a relationship is an investment of life, and you have to invest time, understanding, happiness, sadness, anger, and create memories. People have asked both Vic and I 'if marriage life feels different?' Well, for me it does, because you begin to realize how now it is not about the insecurity of a relationship, but how do we reach all our goals united as one? Things have been really great for Vic and I after the wedding. We have learned to be a lot more selfish with our time, and how we utilize our day. Just an advice, it is OK to say no because you need time to be with your partner, and it is OK to be selfish with your lover, boyfriend, husband, best friend, and enjoy quality time together. Vic and I have date night one or two times a week no matter what, just to block the world away, and focus on us. This works for us and maybe you and your other half should think, "what would work for us, just to get away from the world?"

All the Reasons to Celebrate 32 Years of Life

All the Reasons to Celebrate 32 Years of Life:

• On June 18th, 1978 Omar Antonio Raudez was born right at the same time that Nicaragua was having an earthquake. On that day my father had to help the doctor deliver me do to the lack of help.
• When The President of Nicaragua was assassinated and the Sandinistas invaded Nicaragua my parents decided to take me and my brother Edward away from the chaos.
• I did not become one of the many 7 year old boys that were taken by force from their homes to join the Nicaraguan military
• When I came to the U.S. I was lucky enough to start school and continue my life.
• I Survived an abusive father that once upon a time was also an alcoholic.
• When I was little I would put my mom to bed after she passed out from drunkenness
• When I was 16 years old I survived the biggest fight with my father when he found out I was a homosexual.
• I learned to work 12 hours shifts at 16 years of age and provide food and shelter for myself, but it caused me to drop out of school my sophomore year in high school.
• I learned to survive and grew up much faster than most kids my age.
• I came across many people in Houston that helped me always stay on my toes and on top of life even if I had to work three jobs to make things work.
• In Houston I met Rick Schroder and Victor Gomez who brought me out of a dark place in my life.
• I was given a second chance to go back to school and have hopes once more for a better future.
• I was accepted into college, and I was the first in my family to go to college out of my brothers.
• I met Victor and he decided to join me on my new journey to Idaho.
• Rick Schroder gave me the amazing opportunity to believe again in people and in a better future.
• Rick also taught me that you cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends.
• Victor Gomez taught me patience
• In Idaho I have met people that now have become mine and Vic's family.
• I have health, I have love, I have patience, I have people that I call true family, I have hope, I have goals, I have dreams, I have strength, I have the will to live, I have the choice to continue to move forward and learn from my mistakes and fix them as I go.
• I have Victor Gomez and he has me.

So next time you think you are getting too old, or you think where has the time gone, try to think of all the reason why you should be thankful. There are many others who cannot celebrate the way those of us can, we should embrace our years of life with full force, and share that embrace with those who need it.

Thank you 32 Years!

Love ,

Omar Antonio Raudez

A PerFect Day

There is hope when your closest friends get together with to enjoy 5 Years of knowing each other. A week or two ago, I was disappointed with Pocatello for how they treat their fellow gays, but a perfect day like yesterday was enough to give me hope and make me smile more than we have in a while.

Vic and I decided to put all aside and go out and prepare things for our grand day along with 3 of our closest and most cherish friends. The wonderful thing was that as the day went it just got better, and I felt happier, and full of life. First stop was the Tuxes at Pine Ridge Mall. It was a hilarious view when we saw the lady's face after she heard it was two Grooms, she would be fitting! Her mouth dropped... but what was wonderful is that by the end of the fitting the ladies were loving it. They finally realized we were just normal people having a union. After the tuxes, we had an appointment with the florist LD. This was an amazing experience! Victor was very excited to pick out his bouquet, and to pick all the floral arrangements for the groom's men and maids of honor. LD was a gem and a wonderful host, so much that he is coming to the wedding! Thank you LD!!!The last thing we did was run around and get minor things such as the champagne flutes, guest book, and all the little things needed.

Angie, Jamie, Bridget, Greg, and Uncle plus the two of us decided to go and have a nice Wine and Appetizers at Past Vino. It was nice, very nice. We never felt better then at that moment, with close friends that love us. Then we were off to First Nash, where we continued to celebrate love, friendship, our anniversary, and a great time with good family! This day was A Perfect Day! Thank you Angie, Jamie, Bridget, Greg, and Uncle for making May 19th, 2010 A Perfect Day for us. You all made us feel like we truly have family here, you made us feel the love that our real families lacked to give us because of who we truly are as individuals! We love you guys!

Five Years of Us

We never expected to be here. I remember when Victor said to me, "It has been 6 months! Let's go celebrate!" And I said, " I don't celebrate in months, i celebrate in years". Vic to asked me why, and told him that months are nothing to years, and since my last relationship was 3 years, I was not going to be easy to impressed. Five years later of meeting Victor...I am impressed, because he has found a way into my heart. He has figuered me out when no one else could in the past. He became the other part of me that enabled my heart to feel warmth again. I at one point felt men were not all good, and there were few who were good. i had given up on looking for the those who were good, but then Victor came along and he gave me a light like no other. He gave me a light that gave me hope in love. I mean I think that over all He gave me more than hope he gave me the light to love again, to understand that all mean were no hopeless, helpless, or dirt bags.

2010 & Thoughts

It has been a while since we have blogged, but so much shit, crap, bullshit has happened since. You think you know your own way through the path you take, but no matter how sure we are about the path we took, there is always a chance we could be wrong. Vi and I broke up, and it was the last thing anyone expected. Especially Vic and O, but what was worth is thatI noticed how people either supported us through our grief or just fed off the drama, or simply the situation. This was a bad moment in 2009. But out of all this came two engagement rings, and a stronger bond between the both of us! What does this hold for 2010? Things will get interesting since both of us have returned to our selves and began to have a stronger since on how o protect our relationship and how to be selfish as lovers! I think it is time for the world to stand back and watch us not fall apart, but instead grow stronger. 2010.... Or should I call the year where it will all be expected to be a 10!