After The Laramie Project

It has been a busy two months for us. On one side we were in the middle of rehearsals and performances for two plays (Cindy Ellen & The Laramie Project) and on the other side we had rehearsals for Dance ISU in Concert: Transitions. Of course we weren't the only ones, but we were part of that crazy group of performers that want to experience it all, and be part of it all. Well, I never knew how much impact The Laramie Project would have on us...well mostly me (Omar). As you all know I posted several months back that I had been a victim of a hate crime. One of the reasons I decided to do Laramie was to face my fears and stand up for what I believe in. In one of the rehearsals the director Phil Shepherd asked me to share my story and gladly I did, but as I was sharing it I found myself looking down. At the time I wasn't sure or knew exactly why I did that, and later I went home and thought about it. I realized that I did not want to look up because I did not want to see others looking at me, I did not want to cry, I wanted to hold myself together and be strong. I knew that when I talked about it...that it would touch a very sensitive spot within me, and up till then I did not know how to handle it or for that matter what to do with it as I retold it and as the story came out of my mouth. Well through the process of the Laramie Project I focus a lot on my character, I played Moises Kaufman and the Narrator, which was a true honor. It was an honor because I was on stage watching the entire show and found myself at a point where I could no longer run away from any fear I would have. There were moments where my fear would sneak in and I would have really horrible thoughts and even nightmares. There was this one time that I woke up after I had dreamed that some one shot me on the way to rehearsals for Laramie. On opening night as the lights came up I looked at the crowd afraid of seeing strangers or an unfamiliar face that would stand up and do something horrible to me or to any of my fellow cast members. Every night, before I went on stage I stood behind the wooden wall and prayed to have something good come out of every night, and I prayed for safety. I knew my fears and scars would surface, but I never thought how heavy it had been. Truly having repressed the incident for so long had definitely an impact on how heavy it had resurfaced. But I knew I had to do this and I wanted to do this for myself, to move on, to be strong, and to show others that something such as hate crime can only make you stronger. I wanted to show others that you can survive and fight to make a change, to make a difference, and to bring awareness. Through out the play I found myself angry. I was angry at society, I was angry at those who think that they have the right to violate someones personality, someone self, and violate who they are because they just simply do not like it. It only took two men to take Matthew Shepherd's life... I was GAY BASHED by four Hispanic drunk men on the 24th floor of a Marriott Hotel, in Houston's prestigious Medical Center. I could have died, I could have missed out on meeting Rick Schroder (my mentor), I could have missed out on coming to ISU, I could have missed out on being introduced to the love of my life, I could have missed out on getting married with Vic, and I could have missed out on all the wonderful people I have met here in Idaho. During some of the nights of performing Laramie I found myself in many of my cast members shoes and thinking how strong we all were to do this play.